


Stop History Repeating Itself

by DingleLovesSugdenAlways



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Mentioned Adam Barton - Freeform, Mentioned Belle Dingle, Mentioned Gabby Thomas, Mentioned Jacob Gallagher, Other, mentions of past suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 06:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13735479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DingleLovesSugdenAlways/pseuds/DingleLovesSugdenAlways
Summary: It's just after Liv's exit upstairs following Gabby's cruel outing of her supposedly best friend and Aaron wants to make sure she doesn't go through what he did coming to terms with his sexuality.





	Stop History Repeating Itself

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted somebody to write what happened but I ended up doing it myself.  
> I really just wanted to have a Liv and Aaron chat going on.
> 
> I do not pretend to know what asexuality is or how somebody who is asexual feels. I have written from what i have learnt on the internet and from what Liv has said on screen, so I hope I haven't offended anybody and well this is why Emmerdale is doing this story, to educate those of us who are not yet well informed enough about it. 
> 
> It does briefly mention Aaron's suicide attempt but not detailed.

It was just mumblings he could hear, as the anger rushed through his ears. This was meant to be his little sister’s special day. Goodness knows she deserves it. How could her best friend do that to her? He couldn’t stand it, history repeating itself, not what he ever wanted for Liv. Liv. Liv that was all that mattered now.

“Right, get out! Now! Shows over, party’s over!” He ushered everyone out as quickly as he could, he needed to get upstairs. Chas last to leave just said,

“Call me.” Understanding across her face. He pushed the door closed and climbed the stairs. He knocked gently on Liv’s door. No answer, not that he expected one. He tapped again,

“Liv please talk to me.”

“Go away Aaron, I don’t want to talk about it.” There was a slight pause, “There’s… there’s nothing to talk about anyway. It’s fine.” Aaron’s heart dropped. She was a young version of him. Not talking. Avoiding the problem. He needed to change that, it had never done him any good.

“Liv, listen. I get it you know. I know exactly how you’re feeling right now.” Silence. No come back. Hopefully she was listening. He had to carry on. “Before I came out, I was in a bad place. I suppressed my sexuality. I didn’t want it. I tried to convince myself I could change it.” He didn’t think it was the appropriate time to elaborate the true reason for his feelings, thinking he was made gay by Gordon. He knew the truth now. He took a deep breath to continue. “But no matter what I did, it didn’t stay buried for long. This fit new farm boy moved to the village. I told myself I didn’t fancy him but one night we were in a minor car accident and I’d cut my head. Adam leant over to check it out and I tried to kiss him.” he let out a little laugh at the memory.

“What happened?” the quiet voice asked through the door.

“I panicked, tried to deny it. Looking back now the way I acted just made it all the more obvious. Anyway I did everything I could think of to look straight but Adam tried to out me. Told everybody I kissed him. I thought my life was over. I managed to deflect it all, carried on denying who I was. Who I am. It escalated and well, I did something really stupid as my sexuality couldn’t be contained or suppressed any longer. I beat Paddy up and tried to kill myself. It was so stupid. I let the hatred for myself, my sexuality and what others thought take over and you know what I realise now? I just had to talk to the people who love me and let it all just happen as it was meant to. I am gay. I am proud to be out and it’s a much easier and happier life when you’re not hiding who you are. So please Liv, don’t try to do this, whatever this is, alone. When you are ready come and find me.” He was still worried but hopefully sharing his story would show her he was there for her. “I’ll be…” the locked clicked and the door opened revealing a very red and tearstained Liv. He pulled her into their signature hug and kissed the top of her head.

She pulled away and sat back down on her bed. Aaron sat next to her. He didn’t want to push her this had to be Liv’s choice.

“I did talk about it. I talked to Gabby and Jacob and Belle. They just don’t understand though; I could tell they just don’t get it.” Her head falls, “I’m not even sure I get it.”

“Hey, I’m sorry Gabby broke your trust like that, that wasn’t fair of her. But try me, if you’re ready, I’m a here to listen and help any way I can. Maybe we can work it out together?”

“Aaron… I don’t think I have a sexuality.”

“Ok, and why do you think that?”

“I don’t find anybody attractive. I never have. I don’t fancy girls. I don’t fancy boys. I’ve never even had a celebrity crush. There’s something wrong with me in here,” she taps at her heart, “and in here,” tapping at her head. Aaron looked at her and could see how defeated and confused she looked. He had to get this right. He thought back to desperately wanting to find a girl attractive but never feeling anything, even when they kissed and it was a frustrating and isolating feeling. Liv had obviously tried like he had but for both sexes and got nothing back for her efforts. He knew the last thing she needed to hear was ‘you’re young, you’ve got plenty of time’ because at her age he had fancied boys despite being in denial at the time.

“Firstly, there’s nothing wrong with you ok? Nothing. We are all different Liv and you’re at the perfect age to find out just who you are and there’s no rush. Was it true what Gabby said about kissing her?” Liv nodded her head. “And?” he pressed.

“I just wanted to feel something, feel what everybody else feels, what it feels like to fancy someone, feel attraction. I had already kissed Gerry and felt nothing so I thought maybe I was lesbian. But it was just the same. No feeling.” Aaron had to consider this really is how Liv feels.

“Can I ask; did Gerry or Gabby want to kiss you back?” She shook her head,

“They were really good about it though.”

“So could it be that they just weren’t the right people?”

“I guess so but…”

“Maybe you need to find the person who likes you too and the attraction might develop then?” Liv sighed,

“Yeh but they don’t have to like you back for you to still have a crush on them. Look at you with Adam. You still fancied him and he was straight so he didn’t like you back the same.” Aaron couldn’t argue with that she was right. “Anyway, Jacob fancies me, he sent me a Valentines Card. He’s supposedly cute and people want him. He actually wants me and there’s no feeling from me, I desperately want to fancy him. I opened up to him and he was really understanding. I have nothing to act on so I don’t know why Gabby thinks I stabbed her in the back. I’m pretty gutted she thinks I’m lying about all this. You don’t do you?” she looks panicked.

“No of course I don’t. This is what you are genuinely feeling and experiencing and you’re confused at the moment about what it all means but you won’t always feel like this, and I will help you any way I can and however much you want or need me to.”

“Thanks Aaron, I’m glad you’re my big brother.” She leans in to hug him.

“I’m glad you’re my little sister.”

“How am I going to work this out Aaron?”

“Well I’ve have a thought about that. Look we all think we are alone in the world when we are finding ourselves but the truth is there’s a whole rainbow community out there. People who have similar experiences and can help with stuff we might not yet understand. Maybe we should give the rainbow flag a go, do some research and see where it leads because I can guarantee other people feel or have felt just like you Liv.”

“Yeh ok a bit of research sounds ok but I don’t think I’m ready to share with anyone else yet. Can it just be you and me for now please?” A hint of pleading and desperation in her voice.

“Of course it can! Just make sure you don’t bottle it up and always share with me how you’re doing. Come on let’s go eat some cake and kill some zombies, it’s still your birthday and I still want to make it special.” He stood up to lead Liv downstairs.

“Aaron, thank you and you’ve already made the day special.” She gave him a shy smile and tried to convey what their conversation had meant to her and then she rushed past him to get to the cake first.


End file.
